I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The beer is more important than you right now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
