bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
