I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
