i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
