My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
