i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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