1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
