I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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