Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
