This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
