I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
