That's when you crack a 10am beer
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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