So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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