I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm always down for nudity.
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