You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she smelled like a LAN party
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
