god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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