my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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