***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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