my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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