There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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