I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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