their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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