the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
