Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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