There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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