Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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