I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
where are my eyebrows?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
