Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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