How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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