Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
