im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
