If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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