I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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