she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
