I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
