You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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