Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
