and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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