So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
