I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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