Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice