dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
