Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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