my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
