I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
