that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
