If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
