I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
