even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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