Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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