She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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