high people should be assigned attendants
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
