JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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