my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
