Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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