so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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