you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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