Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
