5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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