wrigley field is MILF paradise
I will die if light touches me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
