the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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