Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
