Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
