is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
