The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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