the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
