so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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