I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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