Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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