then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
