Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
