theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
