why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
