New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my vag is so smooth its legendary
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
