i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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