walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
