You smell like stripper and shame
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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