If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
