are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
