It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
