ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
