In the future we'll all be gay
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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