So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
