he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
